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Pretty One's thoughts on her world
the ramblings of an unhinged mind
Recent Entries 
25th-Apr-2017 09:31 pm(no subject)
Sweet boy
I am making the move to dreamwidth. Trying to import my lj currently. I need to dig into everything to get started. That will probably be after I figure out how to change my life back to being independent and self sufficient.
16th-Feb-2017 08:57 am(no subject)
candyfloss
I've been trying to post to I am thankful a lot. Today I am not thankful. Today I am sad and tired. My eyes are burning and my nose is stuffy and horrid. I feel tired and cranky, which isn't cool. Kiddo was extremely unpleasant this morning as well. I had three pretty good days and today I seem to feel a disconnect. Uncool.
6th-Feb-2017 06:55 pm(no subject)
candyfloss
So my first boyfriend, aka the worst boyfriend/my ex-fiancee that was terribly emotionally abusive and very manipulative, is now in jail about to go on trial for the murder of his ex-wife, the mother of his 12 year old son. The boy who found his mother dead in their apartment. From a gunshot wound to the head.

I found out last week. I still feel absolutely sick. I met her once, and we had a lj friendship for a while. She was a lovely person. And a social worker in OK, looking out for kiddos. My heart hurts so much for Debbie and her son. I am still kind of in shock. I mean, I knew he was an asshole...that's why I left. I got to hear from two different wives how he tried to make them think it was all their fault and they were crazy. I told them that's why I left, once I realized what was going on...3 1/2 years of my life, and lots and lots...and lots of emotional scars. I still have things come up.

Funny thing, though, I can not regret having a relationship with him. He taught me what I didn't want. He made me aware of the company I worked for that eventually sent me on a trade show to New Orleans, the home of my heart, and he introduced me to livejournal years after our relationship when he contacted me to apologize for putting me through hell. And livejournal led me to Brent. And Joyce!

So, yes, very messed up feelings right now, but no regrets. I don't know if he did it, but I pray that whatever needs to happen, will happen. And I'm glad that their little boy is with his uncle, Danny. Danny was and still is awesome.
26th-Jan-2017 02:34 pm(no subject)
candyfloss
I am feeling very lost right now.
9th-Jan-2017 08:47 am(no subject)
candyfloss
Monday. New Year, kiddo is back in school, Trish is back in England. First day of him at school and I need to get things back on track. Failing so far! I need to get a move on, so I'm cutting myself short. We had a good Christmas and New Year. Trish's visit was nice. Now I need to get back to it.
5th-Dec-2016 09:09 am(no subject)
candyfloss
The past couple of weeks have sucked emotionally. I have so much I really need to do and no energy or drive to do it. Trish is due on Wednesday evening. The house is a mess. I know I need to clean. I don't want to or feel like it. I am tired and depressed. I can't stop thinking about Mom being gone. I'm still upset about the election. Kiddo has been a pill lately. Finances are tight. It doesn't feel like the Christmas season, even though I put the tree up last Monday by myself.

I just feel messed up. b can't help, though he is sweet and sympathetic. He's going through his own down-turn and that makes it harder. Feeling like a crap mom, wife and homemaker right now.

Funny thing is I've been trying to be all positive about it and failing miserably. I think the weather isn't helping. I'm cold a lot now and the sun isn't shining. I think that adds to it.

Enough feeling sorry for myself. I'm going to actually try to accomplish something, I guess. Lately that has meant that kiddo is fed 3 meals a day and the clothes are washed each week and the animals are fed. I need to be doing more.
8th-Nov-2016 05:50 pm(no subject)
candyfloss
Watching CNN and the election information for the first time tonight. Praying. Kiddo is watching with me and I am trying to explain what we are seeing, but I'm not sure he understands. I've promised I'll let him know how it goes in the morning, regardless.
7th-Nov-2016 10:50 pm(no subject)
candyfloss
Dana is coming to Dallas this weekend from B.R. I haven't seen her since Teb was about 6 months old. I am super excited that she's coming to hang out with me on Sunday before she flies home. She's coming with some friends for a women's conference on Saturday, then we're hanging and she's going to get to visit the little monkey. She held him when he was a baby, lol.

It's been to long since I saw the girl I used to drive nuts with NPR and play show tunes and Christmas music humming games with. I'm so glad I got to go to her wedding.

In other news, since things have gotten better for Teb at school with his new teacher, things have gotten better at home, too. Connection? Possibly. I've loved having my sweet boy back, that is for sure.

Still not completely out of my funk. Still waking up with panic/anxiety attacks some mornings, which sucks, still low energy and not working out like I should, which also sucks, but I am at least trying to get the house back in order and clean like I care. I also plan on making meals at home at least a few times this week. Pulling myself out of this depression is really hard.

Then there is the election. Looking at 538, at least it looks like what needs to happen, will happen. I've been praying. Not our will, but His. I just can't believe how crazy this election has been. Truly, truly horrifying.
6th-Nov-2016 09:59 pm(no subject)
candyfloss
I typically like creepy. But I guess my new necklace is still too creeptacular for me. It is absolutely beautiful, and I love it. But I'm disturbed every time someone compliments it.

Bub bought me a beautiful tree of life, which is my cremation jewelry. A small bit of mom is in it. And when I wear it, my response to a compliment is, awkwardly, "It's my mom."

I wore it to church today. I took it off almost as soon as I got home. I do love her and I do love having it. I just don't know if I'm 'there' yet as to wearing it. Joe had a ring made and he wears it daily.

Teb's sleepover went well after the final move. Kelly commented that Teb didn't talk once they moved into the guest room, which was bigger and more comfortable for both of them. It cracked me up when Teb said he was mad that I made him go in there. So he went to bed in a huff. I did not laugh. But I am smiling as I typed that. My monkey needs his personal space, just like his parents.
5th-Nov-2016 11:25 pm(no subject)
candyfloss
I loved, loved, loved Dr. Strange. And Teb's sleepover is going okay. It was great until bedtime, then we had some issues getting comfortable to sleep. I am pretty sure they are asleep now after about 5 moves. First, sleeping bag on the floor for the other kiddo. Then, other kiddo in bed with kiddo. Third, Teb in floor while kiddo is in his bed, then other kiddo in the guest room because they tried back in the bed together and that wasn't working because Teb couldn't sleep with someone else in his full sized bed. Finally, other kiddo couldn't sleep in such a big bed alone so I made Teb go in the spare room and sleep with him. And now, blessed silence.

Time for my own bed after I set the clocks back.
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